The best relationships require stability, balance which all come from a 50/50 compromise, open communication and encouragement. If there is no support system, your relationship has no real value; the reason why people get bored in the bedroom is due to lack of passion…but passion comes from being able to be comfortable. That’s why married couples tend to have more sex, it may not always be the best sex per say, but they are knowlegeable on their partner’s landscape. The best couplings are keeping it new years to come by recycling ideas and looking at their relationship with a fresh perspective; taking time for myself has opened up a box of hidden treasures (discovered by Kermit + friends). I have more focus than I’ve ever had and have learned to listen with an active body and mind. Active listening, when it comes to communing, allow for your antennas to pick up another’s radar with efficiency; and in the bedroom it counts. You have to listen with every part of your body, your senses and your gut tell you when the other person is doing an impeccable job at releasing your oxytocin—-enough to even, dare say, want you to ask them to breakfast the next morning. That’s when you know you’re on the right track — when a one night stand turns into a date and somebody you actually would consider a good date. You cut through the jungle of uncertainties and know they’re good or bad in bed. If they pass go and collect your figurative $200 (or actual, if you hired a call boy) you’re ready to take a few steps through the dating game of Chutes + Ladders.
I have close friends of mine who have frivolous gay sex, use Grindr, have fuck buddies, have romped around with a one night stand after a night at Quo. The common issue? Great sex, for the first time only. The second time is lackluster, the third time consists of them hitting their internal snooze buttons. This is because they have an issue making a connection or communication. Could be from trust issues or from thinking everybody isn’t worth it. I have thought to myself, many times (after many breakups, failed friendships + single night’s out) that people aren’t worth my energy or time (or money for that matter) but that doesn’t mean I have taken my Energizer power pack out just yet. I’m going to keep on going and going and going until my sunglasses no longer get foggy from my the heat of bedroom.
We’re all at fault at either browsing a dating or hookup site at one time or another. We’re all a part of the human condition, we’re curious, we’ve not been ourselves some nights (sans trying too hard + bondage themes, ala Floptina Agui-I-don’t-care-a). But one thing I normally write is something I do really want: somebody to make me feel encouraged to push for better. Better success, better self-esteem, better connection, better sex, better everything. Keeps me consistantly looking forward to something, kind of like a dog. You know how dog’s have a low attention span? And that when their master’s are gone for an entire work day, how slow that day goes? that look on their faces when you walk through the door? I want that drool-ridden mug when I’m dating somebody. Ok, maybe less slobber though…a lot less.
I’m actually glad my appendix had to come out when it did. When I took my discharge papers from my fiesty Korean nurse (Cynthia, a woman who still embraced the scrunchie, bless her outdated soul) my mouth erupted at the sight of “No sex.” At least I have something that I can look forward to: a load filled with fresh perspective.
“I’m going to let you in on a secret. I can probably get kicked out of my gender for revealing this. It’s the emptiness of some sexual experiences, and you quickly come to realize, hopefully you realize, that there needs to be more. SPERS (Sudden Post-Ejaculatory Regret Syndrome) is something we’ve all experienced. It’s crude and it’s awful, but there’s a part of it that’s very true, it’s nature. It’s something that we should not shy away from.”—Justin Long on SPERS